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In our society, the word “princess” has been hijacked by girls who are, to some degree, spoiled, selfish, and self-centered. While these young (and in some cases, not-so-young) women don’t have bad intentions, they’ve given the term “princess” something of a bad name because they tend to be materialistic, entitled, and fashion-obsessed. You might see these modern-day princesses on reality TV shows or know them as the “daddy’s little girls” in your neighborhood who gallivant from shopping spree to social engagement with perfect hair and nails.

          But strictly speaking, that definition isn’t right. Ivana Pignatelli Aragona Cortes knows what the word “princess” really means…because she is one.

          “Coming from a family of modest means, I never thought I would grow up to become a princess,” confides Ivana, who is a featured blogger at Modern Mom, founder of Princess Ivana—The Modern Princess, and coauthor of the upcoming book A Simple Guide to Pregnancy & Baby’s First Year. “Imagine my surprise when I found out that the funny, intelligent, and handsome Italian guy I was dating during college at Pepperdine was a prince!”

          Specifically, Ivana’s now-husband, Adriano, is prince of the Holy Roman Empire and can trace his lineage—which includes kings of Sicily and Spain, Catherine of Aragon, a pope, and a saint—back over a thousand years. Despite these credentials, however, Ivana didn’t wait for her prince’s kiss to save her. Using her master’s degree in education, she forged a career of her own as a digital strategy consultant. And over the years, she has defined for herself exactly what it means to be a modern princess.

          “One of the most important things I learned after marrying a prince is that the things that distinguish a princess most aren’t her title, her family tree, or her tiara,” Ivana shares. “Instead, they are her attitude, her priorities, her values, and her everyday choices and behaviors.”

Here, Ivana shares twenty-three things she’s learned about being a modern princess. These “princess rules” will enhance every woman’s life, whether she’s in charge of a throne room, a boardroom, a playroom, or anything in between:

Take care of your inner sparkle. Call it charisma, personality, verve, allure, or whatever you like—but “inner sparkle” is real. It attracts and inspires others, and it gives you the motivation and good attitude you need to keep moving in a positive direction. “Make it a priority to take care of yourself so that your inner sparkle stays polished,” Ivana instructs. “In other words, be kind to yourself. Take time to do things you enjoy. Go to the spa. Get dressed up and go out on a romantic date with your prince charming. And when you’re shining brightly, work to cultivate someone else’s sparkle!”

Keep an eye out for villains. These days, princesses may not have to face dragons, sorceresses, or evil crones, but the world is still full of villains. “Not everyone will have your best interests at heart,” comments Ivana. “Others may want to take what’s yours, hurt the people you love, or limit your opportunities. Like a good princess, you must be able to identify these ‘villains’ and fight them (metaphorically speaking, of course) for what’s yours.”

Don’t let peas stay under the mattress. One famous fairy-tale princess couldn’t sleep because a single pea had been placed beneath her pile of mattresses. Modern-day princesses have to deal with peas too—but instead of vegetables, our “peas” are the things that keep us up at night: our worries and concerns, even the little pet peeves that frustrate us. “Don’t leave these irritations under the mattress,” Ivana urges. “Be proactive and deal with them so that you can sleep soundly!”

Poisoned apples are a fact of life. Snow White was almost denied her happy ending due to one small object: a poisoned apple. “There will always be obstacles in between where you are now and where you want to be,” Ivana says. “Some will be large and obvious, but others will be so small and seemingly innocent that they’ll be hard to notice. Don’t allow poisoned apples to take you down. Make sure you have all of the information before making important decisions.” To view Ivana’s latest vlog on obstacles and poisioned apples, click here.

Fairy godmothers are real. It’s true, Ivana says—and they come in the shape of best friends. “True friends can turn your mood around, make you feel like royalty, and help you accomplish things you thought were impossible,” she comments. “Take good care of these relationships—and look for opportunities to be a fairy godmother to your own friends, too!”

Always take care of your prince. In real life, princesses save their princes just as often as the opposite happens. “Prioritize the well-being of your own prince,” Ivana recommends. “Be his biggest supporter, his best friend, his confidant, and the woman of his dreams. Chances are, he’ll reciprocate!”

Make good deeds a part of everyday life. Princesses, whether they live in the real world or in a fairy tale, are known for doing good deeds and taking care of the people in their kingdoms. “Be generous with your time, energy, and resources,” Ivana suggests. “Support the causes you care about. Feel and accept a responsibility to make a positive difference in the lives of your family, friends, coworkers, and others, such as your child’s teacher or the cashier at the grocery store. A compliment or smile counts!”

Dream, and dream big, to get what you want. Many young girls idolize fairy-tale princesses because they are able to accomplish incredible tasks against all odds. The lesson modern-day princesses can draw? “Big dreams have big results, even if you don’t end up exactly where you thought you would,” Ivana answers. “My dream is to grow The Modern Princess Foundation, which I started to offer educational and artistic support to disadvantaged kids around the world. The foundation is based upon the belief that everyone deserves the opportunity for their dreams to come true.”

Always whistle while you work. Even if woodland creatures don’t appear to help you finish your chores, the fact is, people are more attracted to happy, cheerful individuals—not to complainers and grumblers. “Plus, a good attitude really does make work go by faster!” Ivana points out.

Find your own glass slipper. You don’t have to struggle to fit into Cinderella’s shoes—or anyone else’s! “In other words, figure out who you are and be that person,” Ivana instructs. “You don’t have to fit a mold you may see on TV, in a magazine, or in your community. Embrace the glass slipper that fits the unique, one-and-only you.”

Dress the part when you can. While the clothes don’t make the princess (just ask Cinderella and Snow White!), you should take pride in your appearance. “When you like the way you look, you’ll be more comfortable and confident in all aspects of your life,” Ivana comments. “And remember, whether it’s ideal or not, people do form powerful first impressions based on appearance. You don’t have to—and shouldn’t!—wear a ballgown to a parent-teacher conference or client meeting, but you should make sure you are well groomed and dressed appropriately.”

Make sure to wear your imaginary tiara. The imaginary tiara is a powerful thing. Even if others can’t see it, it lets a modern princess know that she is full of dignity and worthy of respect. “Never let other people tarnish or take away your self-confidence!” Ivana says.

Know how to throw a tea party. In other words, make sure you’re familiar with the basics of etiquette and politeness. “But be careful—etiquette isn’t about showing other people how sophisticated you are,” Ivana clarifies. “It’s about knowing how to make them feel welcome, special, and valued.”

Regularly present honorary awards. Let other people know that you’re proud of them. Celebrate their successes and achievements with a heartfelt “Good job!” “This can be as simple as giving your child a certificate or gold star for potty-training success,” Ivana points out.

Design your family crest. In the past, the symbols on crests represented a family’s identity: its origins, what it was known for, its values, its goals, etc. “Even though you may not decorate your home with your own royal crest, make sure all of those things are clear in your own mind as they pertain to your family,” recommends Ivana.

Treat your home like a castle… According to Ivana, your home should be a place where you feel comfortable, content, and safe. “It’s not about how big your home is or how expensive the furnishings are,” she adds. “The main thing is to make sure that your home reflects your personal tastes and preferences. Use colors you love, hang artwork that inspires you, and decorate with pictures and objects that spark positive memories.”

…and keep it running smoothly. Vacuuming, organizing, cooking, and folding laundry might not be anyone’s idea of an exciting time…but princesses aren’t afraid to get their hands dirty. “Staying on top of routines, chores, and to-do lists makes everyone’s lives easier and makes you less preoccupied while you’re attending to your many other duties,” Ivana points out.

Always, always dance! Ivana has a challenge for you: Name one popular princess who hasn’t twirled to a favorite song or spun in the arms of her prince. “The lesson is clear: Don’t stay on the sidelines of life’s ballrooms,” urges Ivana. “Always take advantage of the opportunity to dance. Say yes!”

Be a patron of the arts. Princesses patronize the arts because talent and beauty inspire us, please us, and feed our souls. “Enhance your life with music, dance, color, and beauty—whether you or someone else is the artist!” Ivana suggests.

Stand up straight. We’ve all heard stories of princesses who were laced into corsets and who practiced walking with books balanced atop their heads. “Modern women don’t need to go that far, but the truth is, posture is important,” says Ivana. “Not only does good posture make you look more capable, confident, and attractive, it makes you feel that way too!”

Know and understand history. History is a great teacher—and knowing about the sacrifices, efforts, and discoveries of those who came before us can help us fully appreciate what we have today. “Being familiar with where you came from is the only way you can enjoy the present and be ready for tomorrow,” Ivana comments.

Your carriage does not define you. Just ask Cinderella—it doesn’t matter whether a princess is riding in a golden carriage or a giant pumpkin. Her worth is still the same. “Don’t fall into the materialism trap,” Ivana says. “It’s true: A person’s worth isn’t determined by what she owns, but by what she does and who she is.”

Know how to address an audience. Whether she’s speaking to a crowd or to one person, a princess isn’t afraid to speak up for what she believes in, or to share her opinions. “Get comfortable speaking in front of people,” Ivana urges. “Don’t depend on other people to deliver your ideas.”

“Ultimately, the things that ‘make’ a modern-day princess are the same things that ‘make’ a balanced, successful, and respected modern-day woman,” Ivana concludes. “When you live by these rules and guidelines, you will experience more fulfilling relationships, stronger purpose, and a values-centered life—on a royal scale!”